Agni Kan Koishii
by ScarletTigress
Summary: In the Fire Nation, where marriages are arranged, all people are permitted to bond intimately with someone who will be closer to them than anyone else. ADULTS ONLY. Very GRAPHIC material not suited for younger readers. Azula/Mai; maybe Zuko/Sokka.
1. Chapter 1

Agni Kan Koishii

This is bound to be a very odd story and not for the faint of heart. I had an extremely graphic nightmare about avatar, again after one of my exams, and it just seemed to stick with me throughout the day. Soon, I was coming up with an interesting way to explain what I had seen and slowly building a story around the idea. For those of you who do not appreciate violence, torture and both male and female same sex pairings, please do not read further. I believe this story may end up being dark and twisted, but always with a happy ending. For those who are in the mood for a bit of darkness twisted up with love this will hopefully be a poignant and elegant tale. There will be a good deal of focus on Azula, I shouldn't really have to put any other warnings up other than that.

Mai listened to the crackling flames and Tai Li's soft breathing. The stars above were cold and distant, but Mai was used to their stoic silence especially on nights like these. It was not a sound that told her, nor a smell nor a word, but she knew that Azula would want her tonight. Perhaps it was something in the Princess's eyes or the way she had snapped at Tai Li more than usual. Mai did not know, but was grateful for the warning nonetheless and so prepared herself. She was Azula's Kan Koishii, her first beloved, and possibly the only person who truly understood the princess. Mai was the only person strong enough to be Azula's Kan Koishii and sometimes she reveled in the fact…other times it terrified her. Still, perhaps she had accepted the position as Azula's closest person simply because she felt guilty letting someone else do it. Someone who would buckle beneath the Princess's sadism would be merely cast aside and then another chosen and another and another…Mai could not allow such a thing. Besides, there was no lie in being Azula's Kan Koishii, for Mai truly did love her in every way that she could. She pitied Azula that the girl had been born with such a stunted soul and felt privileged that all the love in Azula's heart was only for her.

In the Fire Nation where almost all marriages were arranged and often loveless, it was traditional for people to choose a Kan Koishii when they came of age. The Kan Koishii was usually a person's best friend with whom one could feel comfortable and safe exploring intimacy. The practice discouraged adultery in a society where people were often trapped into marriages with people they did not love and prostitution was punishable by death. Usually, one's Kan Koishii was of the same sex in order to preserve future marriage opportunities, but no rule was strongly enforced. The idea was that people of the Fire Nation had an unalienable right to choose their Kan Koishii with total freedom and do with that person whatever they wanted. The Fire Nation believed that while a marriage was only for life and could be dissolved in cases of abuse or misery, the relationship between Kan Koishii stretched beyond the grave into the next life. Only the most extreme circumstances could separate Kan Koishii in the eyes of Agni.

Mai sometimes shuddered at the thought, but the girl believed that she would never have felt compelled to link herself with Azula if they had not already been paired in lifetimes before. Not all Kan Koishii were sexually involved with each other, but she and Azula were. The intimacy sometimes brought forth a side to Azula that Mai truly cherished and also helped her keep the Princess's sadism in check. That way Mai could protect Zuko. She closed her eyes. His warm gaze filled her vision along with the smile she had memorized for its rarity. How strange to have a Kan Koishii whom she feared and a man, one day husband, whom she loved. The whole thing was backwards and yet still somehow inexorably in balance. Mai helped Azula hang on to the last shred of sanity the girl possessed and in doing so protected the boy whom she loved with all her heart. Was it possible to truly love two people? Mai thought so, but the love was very different.

Zuko was all warmth, emotional tenderness and gentleness while Azula needed cold pain and childlike delight. Both were pleasing to Mai and she cursed herself for a masochist, the thing most displeasing to Agni. Still, if she only endured the pain with expectation of pleasure, was she truly so twisted? Mai endured because Azula needed her to and because she loved the princess too much to simply ignore her needs. If those needs were ever again directed at Zuko, Mai knew she would burn in true agony. And so the girl lay thinking and watching the stars and waiting. Mai counted each breath and counted again, preparing herself for the ultimate test of her stoicism. It was not long until she felt Azula's deceptively soft fingers caress her face. Mai cocked her chin upwards to regard the princess as she knelt above Mai's head. The starlight was beautiful on Azula's pale skin and midnight hair. Azula's touch was gentle, but that too was a lie. Mai smiled up at her and reached to stroke her hair.

"I love your hair Azula, it is so beautiful." Mai breathed into the darkness. The princess did not smile, but merely gazed at Mai.

Mai had no use for Azula's smiles or for her laughter, those expressions were only false anyway. It was only here, on nights like these, that the princess's true emptiness appeared on her face. Only Mai had peered into the yawning chasm of Azula's spirit and truly knew how broken her friend was. Agni was indeed cruel to have made her this way, with a soul so small and numb. All the cruelty the princess visited on others paled in comparison to the agony of her own fate. It made Mai feel tender even though when Azula came to her…it was dangerous to feel anything. Mai brought Azula's silky tresses to her lips kissing the other girl's hair and inhaling her scent.

"I want you Mai. I need you tonight." Azula said, her voice cool and still gentle.

"I thought you would never ask, I have been getting so bored. You are so lovely in the starlight my princess." Mai replied, her voice a husky whisper.

Mai gave a gentle pull to Azula's hair, forcing the girl's face closer to her own so that she could capture her lips. Azula' lips were the most perfect tender pink and soft as moist silk above her own. She could feel Azula quivering form her touch and fought not to sigh as her tongue crossed into Azula's mouth. The princess caressed Mai's tongue with her own for a few velvety strokes, but Mai knew that her gesture had been an offering. She was not surprised when Azula bit down onto her. It was no playful nip like she had shared with Zuko, Azula's teeth were hard, drawing blood. Mai closed her eyes slowly, forcing herself not to wince. The salty metallic taste in her mouth almost made her gag, but then Azula was sucking on the injury drawing the blood into her own mouth. Mai combed her hands through the princess's hair as she broke the painful kiss and rose to her knees.

"You are beautiful Mai. Your hair looks like it is made of starlight, I wish the fire were gone so that I could only see you by the stars." Azula sighed, brushing kisses against Mai's throat.

"We should leave the fire. I do not want Tai Li to get cold. She doesn't have you to warm her up you know." Mai said with a teasing smile. Azula's eyes were empty.

"I do not care about her." Azula said blankly.

"I do." Mai replied, moving to kiss Azula's mouth again as she felt the blood begin to trickle down her lips from the laceration on her tongue. Azula lapped it from her and purred.

"Your eyes are so still, so lovely and so warm." Azula mused as she kissed the other girl again.

Mai could feel the heat begin to grow within her as Azula toyed with her abused tongue. Azula moved her hand over Mai's face, as if memorizing every detail. Mai kissed along her jaw, sucking hard on her own tongue to numb the pain. A trail of shining blood still followed her kisses along the princess's face, but Azula did not care. The princess ran her hands beneath Mai's tunic, letting her fingers flutter over the sleek muscles of Mai's upper back. Mai brought her mouth to Azula's neck, sucking and nibbling along the steady rhythm of Azula's pulse. Her own blood beat in her ears, but Azula's pulse was still slow and quiet. It was strange and hurtful, but Mai knew that it was not Azula's fault. The girl would respond to her touch when she could. Azula's soul needed far more rousing than Zuko's…or anyone else's for that matter. With him, a single kiss and his eyes would boil with passion. How Mai missed him! She kept the longing from her face as she gently licked the pink edge of Azula's perfect seashell ear.

"It is because I love you, that my eyes are warm." Mai said, slowly dipping her hands beneath Azula's silk robe.

The princess finally gasped, as Mai laid her hand over the girl's naked breast. Mai grinned with satisfaction as Azula's sluggish body slowly heated beneath her touch. Azula slowly pulled the robe from Mai's shoulders, running her hands over the soft, white skin. Azula, bent and kissed her throat. The princess's lips were soft and warm, but her teeth were sharp. Azula snapped at the tender skin just beneath Mai's collar bone, but Mai held her body still through sheer will alone. She had to be strong. Strange and awful as it was, Azula needed this…needed to feel Mai's pain or she would feel nothing at all. Azula pulled one of the sharp pins from her hair and drove it into Mai shoulder. Now Mai did gasp. The pin was not deep, Azula knew better than to leave injuries that would not heal easily, but it had been placed against the nerve bundle in her arm. Mai felt the electric pain coursing through her body, sending burning tingles all the way down into her arm and hand. Mai closed her eyes and her mind, retreating into the quiet of her thoughts. She could not show fear or pain. If she did, Azula would do much worse than this.

She kept her body still as Azula removed the pin. Such play was dangerous and she did not want to be maimed. Blood flowed freely from the wound, dripping down between her breasts. Azula brought her mouth to the pale globes and licked the soft flesh passionately, heedless of the blood. Azula licked and sucked, drawing Mai's still soft nipple into her mouth. Mai felt hot fire erupt deep inside her belly at the touch. Despite the pain, she was aroused. Mai allowed Azula to move her onto her stomach and remove the rest of her clothing. The night was chilly and Mai was grateful to feel the firebender's preternaturally warm fingers against her back. The wound on her shoulder was more painful than it was deep and soon the bleeding ceased. Azula was no fool, she knew the body well enough to satisfy her sadism and keep the flesh mostly undamaged. Azula dragged her sharp hair ornament in lazy circles across Mai's back, sometimes cutting and sometimes not. The sharp unexpected pain was fierce and Mai gritted her teeth as Azula used her fire bending to heat the pin. For both pain and safety, the princess slowly cauterized each of the wounds and Mai had to bite her lip to keep from screaming. Screaming would not help her. Weakness would not help her. With her other hand, the princess massaged heat into her Kan Koishii's taught muscles so that Mai relaxed into the abuse despite herself. Mai could feel the blood running down her back to pool against the base of her spine. Azula kissed the rounded corner of her buttocks and gently ran her finger down between Mai's legs. Azula brushed her soft fingers against Mai's clitoris and the girl moaned in a voice strangled with pain.

Azula was ready and in a quick motion born from many years of practicing with shirokin and flying knives, Mai flipped the girl beneath her. The air woofed out of Azula's lungs as Mai forcefully dropped her beneath her naked body and pressed aggressively onto her sternum. Now was not the time for gentleness, Mai had to dominate Azulain their lovemaking or suffer further injuries. It was a balance between allowing Azula the release through torture that the girl needed while still protecting herself. Before Azula could draw in the breath she had lost, Mai clamped her lips down onto the princess's mouth. Azula struggled for air, but Mai's lips were strong and heavy against hers. After the princess began to thrash, Mai released the air form her own lungs down Azula's throat. Azula sighed in pleasure as she inhaled deeply and wound her tongue into Mai's mouth. The princess brought her legs up and around Mai's waist. Mai released her mouth to devour her perfect breasts, sucking and gently biting the small, pink nipples. For the first time, Azula moaned with pleasure and heat began to trickle into the firebender's empty eyes. Mai lathed her tongue over the warm curves of Azula's breasts and gently bit her right nipple, while rolling the left between her deft finger.

Azula moaned again and dragged her sharp nails over Mai's waist. This time, Mai did not have to bury the pain and channeled it into a long sigh as she pulled the loose pants from Azula's body. Mai thrust her knee between Azula's legs and rubbed the other girl's sex roughly. Azula cried out, biting her lip to keep from screaming with the intensity of the pleasure as her cold body finally melted beneath Mai's touch. Mai moved so that her own womanhood could grind against Azula's, feeling the fiery pleasure crashing through her thoughts. While Mai was warm and dripping with passion, Azula was not yet aroused enough to be wet. It did not matter, Mai shared her essence with her Kan Koishii so that Azula could also be warm and stimulated. Azula's hand moved down from Mai's hip to cup the other girl's sex in her fingers. The princess rubbed Mai's clitoris and dipped her fingers deeply into the hot opening. Mai thrashed and bit down on Azula's shoulder to keep from screaming. Azula responded to the pain and moaned harshly in Mai's ear. At last, Azula began to release warm fluids of her own. With a final twist of Azula's fingers within her, Mai came in a blinding surge of pleasure. If she had been a fire bender, the entire world would have burned. Panting, she groaned and Azula gently pinched her clitoris so that Mai came once again.

Azula licked the tangy juices from her fingers as Mai moved her own hand into the Princess's soft intimate curls. Azula finally blushed as Mai found her clitoris and stroked it firmly with her thumb. Mai pumped her fingers into the girl, keeping her thumb firmly against the princess's clit. Azula moaned and bucked her hips, but did not come. Mai felt tight fear clutch at her chest. Sometimes, if she did it just right, Mai could get Azula to come just from pleasure. However, pleasure alone was often insufficient because Azula just couldn't _feel_ as deeply as one should. To the princess who lived in a state of cold, numb emptiness, even sex barely reached her. Mai knew what Azula would need, but the thought was repulsive to her.

"Mai…Do it…please!" Azula begged as her body contracted against Mai's fingers.

"No! I don't want to hurt you!" Mai hissed, stubbornly kissing Azula's breasts.

"I want it! Please! Please! I want to feel something!" Azula's eyes were warm and childlike in her desperation. This was what Mai longed to see, the true Azula that was nothing more than an empty child.

"Only one and not again until it is healed." Mai snarled. Azula nodded, her mouth lifting into one of the only genuine smiles Mai ever saw from her. It was a smile that was almost naïve…childlike.

Before her own soul could prevent her, Mai took the very tip of Azula's little finger into her mouth. She hesitated, longing to please her Kan Koishii with pleasure alone. Her heart wrenched and Mai felt her own being fill with pain. Azula nodded, her eyes heating in anticipation. Mai bit down, feeling the last bone in Azula's finger crack. Azula screamed and came against Mai's fingers even as tears of agony coursed down her face. Mai found that her own eyes were brimming also, even though she had managed not to cry at all under Azula's torture. She cried and watched as Azula thrashed and moaned, cumming not once, but twice. It was a small injury and would heal soon, but Mai cried with abandon against Azula's neck. It was not weakness to cry for pain that was not her own.

"Wonderful! That was wonderful!" Azula panted when she could finally breath again.

Mai rolled away from her and gently kissed her forehead. Azula smiled. It was her true smile. The smile of a four year old who just received the treat she wanted most in the world. Mai loved Azula's smile and even though such awful agony made her stomach turn, it was what Azula truly needed. At last the princess was feeling, her body flush with emotion. Her face was no longer blank when she spoke.

"I love you Mai." Azula sobbed against Mai's hair.

"I love you too." Mai responded, choked with emotion.

The next day Tai Li awoke to find Azula in good spirits. The princess bustled about the camp, chattering about finding Zuko and torturing him to death. The princess was as cheerful as she had seen her in a very long time and seemed more grounded too. As Tai Li ate her breakfast, she could not help but notice that Mai's right shoulder seemed stiff and sore. Mai's face was as placid as ever, but Tai Li knew everything about the human body and knew when someone was in pain.

"Hey Mai, want me to work on that shoulder for you later?" Tai Li asked sweetly. Mai gave her a haunted look.

"No, its fine." She said coolly.

Tai Li felt something deep in her soul. She was missing something and it had to do with Mai's sore shoulder and why Azula was wearing a glove only on her left hand.


	2. Chapter 2

Agni Kan Koishii

Chapter 2

This chapter takes place in the interim between Zuko's return to the Fire Nation and his decision to leave his father and join the avatar. Thank you to all who had the courage to read the last chapter, it definitely was not the safest writing I have ever done. This one should not be half so brutal. It will, I hope, be just as powerful. Enjoy!

Mai smiled at Zuko as he turned to greet her, the rare smile from her memories blooming on his face even more brilliantly than before. The servants had somehow managed to get his hair into the proper Fire Nation topknot. The hairstyle must have taken some work since Zuko's hair, cut when he became a fugitive with Irho, wasn't really long enough. Mai smiled wide to see him and ran into his arms. He laughed softly and held her close, his embrace warm even in the chilly night air. The simple touch was enough to fill his golden eyes with molten passion. Mai could have cried in relief to have someone respond to her so easily. The girl sighed against his chest and thanked Agni that he had survived to see her again. Zuko's body seemed larger and as she wrapped her arms around his neck, Mai was sure he had grown taller as well. How could he have changed so much while she remained the same for so long?

"You're taller." She said simply.

"You are more beautiful." He replied softly, his usually harsh voice velvety in the darkness.

Mai looked into his hot eyes and suddenly felt her own vision blur as two years of unshed tears pooled under her lashes. Zuko was here, with her, alive! All the pain and fear and lonely nights had not been in vain. Mai had managed to shield him from the worst of Azula's hatred so that the prince could finally return home with honor. Zuko had reclaimed his position as the rightful prince of the Fire Nation and now maybe…maybe everything would be alright. It had been so long since Mai had wept from the force of her own emotions. She usually kept all her feelings bottled up tightly inside, but just being around Zuko seemed to shatter her defenses. In his arms she was just a girl who loved a boy and life was simple. Her shoulders shook as she cried silently into the silk of his kimono.

"Mai! Mai! It's okay, everything is going to be okay! Mai, what is with all the tears? Please, why are you crying?" Zuko whispered, completely at a loss.

"I…I missed you." Mai said, smiling through her quiet sobs. Zuko smiled at her and wiped her tears from her cheek with his thumb.

"I missed you too. Every day, every minute, every breathe for two years. I…I am sorry…" Zuko began, but stopped when Mai rose onto her toes to kiss him.

Her face was still wet from crying, but the inherent heat of his skin soon dried her tears. Zuko kissed her with such force, such desperation that at first Mai felt a twinge of fear. Her heart jumped when she felt his fingers slowly run over her cheeks, as if he were memorizing every feature of her face. Just like Azula. Mai panicked and fought not to scream. She opened her eyes and stared, forcing herself to realize that it was Zuko and not Azula who held her so tightly. It was Zuko who was kissing her and he would never, ever hurt her. Slowly her heart quieted and Mai relaxed into his embrace, sighing in pleasure at the heat of his skin. Even though they were both fire benders, Zuko's skin was always warm to the touch while Azula was as cold as stone until she decided otherwise. Mai let herself absorb his heat like a frozen garden absorbing the warmth of the sun, coming alive under his touch.

"Mai, Mai…I have loved no other. In my whole life, it has only been you. It has always been you…I love you so much." Zuko said, breaking their kiss to rest his forehead against hers.

His eyes were moist, but the prince held his tears back in order to maintain his dignity before the woman he loved. Her hair, so sleek and black, flowed through his fingers almost like ebony water. Zuko sighed and pressed the black tresses against his face, inhaling the strange sweet and spicy scent of Mai's essence. She was just as he remembered with eyes so dark and yet so clear, like windows open to a moonless night. Her strong, deft hands gripped his upper arms so tightly that Zuko was sure he would have bruises. He did not care. When all others in his life had forced their mark upon him, couldn't he accept one from Mai? He actually _wanted_ a mark from her so everyone would know that there was at least one person who loved him. Some men, who were lucky enough to marry someone they grew to love, tattooed their wives personal seal onto their upper arms. Zuko promised himself that if he ever married Mai, it would be the first thing that he would do. The girl thrust a bold hand beneath Zuko's tunic, running her clever fingers over his collar bone and down over his chest.

Zuko gasped at the touch and placed his own hand over hers through the silk of his kimono. He was not sure how a woman's hand could be so sensual just lying over his skin, but it was like sweet fire stretched from her fingers all the way to his heart. Zuko had to remember his meditations just to keep from panting. Mai held still for only a moment and then trailed her burning fingers over his shoulder, slowly pulling the silk from his body. Zuko cupped her head in his right hand and kissed her passionately, running his tongue over her smooth lips and sharp teeth. She was exquisite in every way, a delight to every sense he possessed. Mai moaned very quietly into his mouth as she pulled his left arm out of his clothing and ran her greedy fingers over his muscles. He _had_ gotten bigger since leaving the Fire Nation! What was once smooth, unformed flesh now rippled in taught cords of bulging muscles, like boulders beneath silk. Those who claimed Zuko was weak had clearly never touched his arms. As smooth as his skin was, Mai could feel many tiny scars beneath the sensitive pads of her fingers. He had suffered more than he let on, Mai thought with a scowl.

Tentatively, Zuko turned from her mouth to kiss her neck, sending little bolts of warm lightning through Mai's flesh. Together the lovers moved as one to sit together on the cool stone of the garden bench. Here, cloaked by the lush flowering trees and tall hedges of Zuko's personal garden they were safe from prying eyes. Zuko gently grazed his teeth over Mai's neck, her white skin even softer beneath his tongue than it was under his fingers. He sighed against her pulse, his breath preternaturally warm against her throat. Zuko threaded his fingers beneath Mai's kimono and the girl stilled beneath him. The wound Azula had left on her shoulder had gotten infect and was only just beginning to heal. If he found it…Mai was not sure what he would think. Thinking he had frightened her, Zuko cupped her chin and gently kissed her until Mai began to sigh with delight. Assured that his girlfriend was comfortable, Zuko ran his hot fingers down her throat. Mai sighed and pushed herself deeper into his embrace. Zuko smiled into her lips as he ran his hand over the smooth line of her clavicle to rub her shoulder. Mai winced and flinched, biting her lip. His hand had passed directly over the ragged flesh.

Zuko stiffened and pulled away from the kiss to look at her suspiciously. Her eyes, always too open, shone with shame in the darkness. Zuko pulled back from her, but kept his hand firmly on her body. Mai winced both from the pain and the growing suspicion in his eyes. Moments before, those same eyes had been filled with warmth but, now they grew cold with doubt and confusion. Mai did not know what to say. His eyes questioned her as surely as his words would have, but she had no explanation ready. In truth, she had forgotten about the wound on her shoulder until they had already been kissing. It was stupid, foolish! Almost cruelly, Zuko brushed his hand over the damaged lfesh once more as if to assure himself of what he had felt. Mai held her face still, but gasped as the gentle pressure compressed her inflamed nerves. Zuko scowled.

With a single, fluid motion the young man jerked the robe from her shoulder and gasped in shock. Mai flinched and felt tears leak into her eyes once again as the shameful mark was laid bare. The flesh was still reddened and angry from infection. Even in the moonlight, he could see the small puncture between the bones of the joint. Zuko hissed and drew his hand way from her body as if he had been burned. No wonder she had winced when he stroked her shoulder! With an injury like that even clothing must be painful! In a moment, Zuko felt himself fill with rage.

"Mai. What. Is. That?" Zuko said, his voice forced through his teeth between heaving breathes. He knew. He already knew, but he had to hear it from her.

"It…It's nothing. A small scratch I got while fighting in a battle in the Earth Kingdom. I was careless…" Mai lied. Zuko slammed his fist onto the stone of the bench with an audible crack.

"Woman, do you think I am a fool?!!!! That is no battle wound!" Zuko shouted, smoke pouring from his nostrils. Mai hung her head.

"I…It isn't what you think…" Mai stuttered, not meeting his eyes.

"No, it is EXACTLY what I think it is! I am not an idiot! I have seen the marks of torture before! A blade, a small one, was driven right beside the nerves of your shoulder. No one has the time or precision to do such a thing in battle. Besides, there is no purpose to such a wound except to cause pain…excruciating pain. Why are you lying?" Zuko snarled, grabbing her arm. Little tongues of flame darted from his nose.

"I…I wasn't tortured!" Mai shouted struggling to get away from him, but his hand held her too firmly.

"Who was it Mai? Who hurt you like this?" Zuko asked, his voice gentle despite his anger.

"I…I cannot tell you." Mai whispered.

"Why?" Zuko snarled, yanking her wrist to force her to look into his eyes.

"The wound…the injury…" Mai began, licking her lips. This was so bad.

"What Mai! What is it!" Zuko shouted, panic crackling in his voice along with the anger.

"It is consensual!" Mai screamed, covering her face with her hand.

"What…" Zuko shook his head, his eyes frightened. He dropped her wrist and leaned away from her in shock. Shame made Mai's face burn.

"I received this wound…from my Kan Koishii." Mai whispered, her voice trembling only a little.

"Mai…you are…a masochist?" Zuko gasped in horror shaking his head.

"No! No! It isn't like that! My Kan Koishii is Azula and I…" Mai began.

"WHAT!!!!!" Zuko roared at her, his face stark white with shock and rage.

"Stop shouting, someone will hear you!" Mai hissed.

"Let them! You have decided to not only mock our God, but you do it because…because my sister…Mai why?" Zuko asked, throwing his face into his hands. Dignity or not, he could not keep the tears back and sobbed brokenly into his hands. Mai felt her hear crack within her, and the chasm filled up with anger.

"I am NOT a masochist! You don't understand, you have never had a Kan Koishii!" She snarled cruelly. It was not Zuko's fault he had never had a first beloved and she knew that the fact was a great shame to him.

"No? What do you call it when you let a lover torture you? Do you like it Mai? Is that what you want?" Zuko shouted, just as cruelly, his eyes blazing. Mai ground her teeth.

"Why don't I ask you?! You were the one who let Ozai, his own FATHER burn half his face off! Tell me Zuko, don't you always choose pain? Do YOU like it?!!!!" Mai shrieked, slapping him hard across the face.

"It is not the same! I have suffered to protect those I love! To keep my honor! I don't let people hurt me this way!!!!" Zuko roared, pointing at her damaged shoulder and punching the bench so hard that a fireball shot from his hand to shatter the stone completely.

"No Zuko! It IS the same! It is exactly the same! I let her hurt me because I LOVE her! I do it because she NEEDS it! I do it to protect YOU! You talk about honor, but where is the honor in running from pain knowing…KNOWING that that same agony will just be put on someone else? Are you saying someone else should suffer in my place? Are you saying YOU should suffer in my place?" Mai screamed, beating her fists against his chest.

Zuko was quiet. He did not know what to say as Mai beat her hands against him and screamed and cried. Everything in his mind was so confused and dark. Why was this so damn terrifying? Why? Why would she submit to something like that? Was she really a masochist, a person without a true spirit, loathed by Agni? Zuko shuddered at the thought, but found himself putting his arms around Mai anyway. He loved her! Damn it! Despite what she had done and despite what horrible things she might do again he still loved her. He would always love her.

"My Lord. The Generals have gathered. Your father has requested your presence at the war meeting." The servant said with a polite cough.

Zuko swallowed hard, straightened his clothes and marched away. He hoped Mai would still speak to him when he returned. Mai pulled her robe up over her shoulder, but sat in the garden a long time.


	3. Chapter 3

Agni Kan Koishii

Chapter 3

So, I have to apologize for skipping around the timeline so much, but I just didn't know any other way to develop the story the way that I wanted to. I, as some of my readers know, cannot write ANYTHING without developing a strong precedent for everybody's behavior. I promise that I do have a plot buried in here and that this is NOT just a bunch of smutty drabbles, but each chapter does take place after a significant amount of time has passed. Also, a few readers were kind enough to alert me to a bit of confusion that they had about the religious canon I am trying to develop here. To explain, the Fire God Agni powerfully condemns any kind of masochism in the same way that, say, Catholicism condemns sodomy. It is just one of the rules of sexual behavior in the fire nation and to allow one's self to be harmed by a lover is considered a terrible sin. I felt the need to really establish the traditions I have created for the fire nation since the whole basis of this story is the bond of Kan Koishii, which is usually a same sex relationship. By the way, this whole idea is not one that I made up, but was taken from cultures such as Sparta, Feudal Japan and Rome (where, of course, any kind of sex was accepted!). I'm weird, I know, but writing this is just too much fun to give up! This chapter takes place during the time the Avatar and his friends spend on Ember Island as Aang struggles to find a non-violent solution to the stopping Ozai. Please read and PLEASE review, it is nice to know that I am not just spewing fiction into the void. Thank you to everyone who has read and commented on this story so far!

_Dear Uncle,_

_I hope that this hawk finds you and that you are well, wherever you are. He is one of the few of your personal hawks that survived my sister's sadism, even though she killed his mate. When I left, I could not bear to leave him behind. I am sorry that I allowed your beloved pets to come to harm but, I have much more than that to apologize for. I have tried all these years to harden my heart. I have failed. Watching your hawk standing over the blackened remains of his mate was the last straw. I have discovered that you are the only member of my family who has any honor left. I tried so hard to regain my honor and position within our family only find that the nobility of my family and my nation has become a lie. In trying to find my lost pride, I have lost myself. _

_I cannot tolerate any further evil and so I have left my country to find the Avatar and help him if I can. I have confronted my father and renounced him. I was not injured. Only your teachings were able to save my life against my father's assault, but it was close. I was able to redirect the lightning just as you taught me. Still, I know now why you allowed yourself to be imprisoned rather than to go free in shame. I owe you a great debt. The heart I try so hard not to have is broken. Mai is damned for the love of my sister and Azula has no soul to damn anyway. Perhaps I am damned too, but I can no longer simply stand by and do nothing! As for my father, well, I have no father except for you whom I have shamed greatly. I have abandoned the Fire Nation. I can no longer stand being here, you were right all along. I was a fool not to listen! _

_I am well, that is all I can say for now. The Fire Lord is planning something awful, something far beyond the scope of war. Using the power of Sozin's comet, Lord Ozai plans to not only attack the Earth kingdom; he plans to obliterate it. He will burn the entire country to the ground. All the men, women, children, animals even plants will be destroyed! I must help the avatar stop this atrocity and I hope that is your aim as well. Be safe Uncle._

_Zuko_

"There, that is how it is done!" Sokka said coldly, wiping the mellon juice from his glittering blade. The severed head of the dummy lay grotesquely at his feet, a grim reminder of tasks still undone.

Aang looked sick and turned away as Sokka strode angrily from the practice field. Zuko felt his lips compress into a harsh line of disapproval, but said nothing as the young Avatar stared at the broken melon. Nothing he had to say would make any difference anyway. Aang couldn't do it, not even in practice. The avatar just didn't have it in him to kill the Firelord. Zuko felt his heart constrict with terror. They were going to die. All of them were going to die. He had failed. Zuko turned away to hide his face from the group and took a deep breath to still his nerves. He had time. He could convince the Avatar that killing his father was necessary and that was all he really needed to do. He _had_ to convince him! Aang was powerful, terrifyingly powerful, and once faced with a situation he couldn't evade the boy would do what was needed. Zuko just had prepare him. With a sigh almost as heavy as one of Mai's, the prince walked away from the group to gather his thoughts. Two days was simply not enough time.

The sun was bright, but Zuko's thoughts hung in deep shadow. He had given up everything to help the Avatar! His country, his throne, his people…Mai…all betrayed because Zuko had joined Aang and now the little airbender just couldn't bring himself to kill the one person in the world who most deserved it? Zuko spat a ball of flame into the air in frustration. The prince walked without any real destination in mind, anything to try to quiet his rampant feelings. However, Zuko had not walked far when he heard the sound of a blade whistling through the air.

Cursing himself for not paying better attention to his surroundings, Zuko silently lowered himself into a crouch. It sounded like a battle was being fought close by, but Zuko could only feel the vibrations of a single set of feet through the ground beneath his fingers. The prince narrowed his eyes. How could someone be fighting…by themselves? There was another great crack and the unmistakable hiss of a sword moving through the air. Zuko couldn't see anything through the dense forest underbrush, but he knew that the fighters were close. Slowly, carefully, Zuko shifted his body to try to peer around the trees blocking his view. If they really were under attack, he had to warn the others with as much information as he could gather without being seen. Prepared for the worst, Zuko still gasped quietly at the spectacle before him.

Sokka stood in a clearing that had surely not been there a few minute ago. Sapling trees and tall bamboo, all neatly sliced in two, were flung like matchwood around the quivering figure of the swordsman. It was like a forest in which a tornado had touched down, the trees and underbrush splintered and scattered across the ground. Sokka stood staring at a tall oak, a tree far too large for even the razor edge of his space sword to cleave. The youth ground his teeth in frustration and Zuko noted with shock that his cheeks were wet with tears. His arms still quivered from the exertion, but his posture was firm and angry. Zuko contemplated simply sneaking away, but Sokka had become something like a friend and Zuko did not want the youth to think he was spying. With a rough cough, Zuko stepped into the disaster that had once been part of the forest. Sokka turned with a snarl, but lowered his sword when he saw the prince. His eyes looked even more brilliantly blue from the redness surrounding them. Usually Sokka's eyes were warm with laughter, but now they were as cold and distant as the ice of his homeland. Zuko held up his hands and approached slowly.

"I am sorry to disturb you." The prince said quietly. Sokka glared at him, but relaxed out of his battle stance.

"Just had to let off some steam. _You_ of all people ought to understand." Sokka spat bitterly.

"I'll…I'll go." Zuko mumbled awkwardly.

"Wait…um…I'm sorry. I'm mad at Aang, not you." Sokka said, wiping the back of his hand over his reddened eyes with a sigh.

"I am frustrated with him too, but…I think he will do the right thing." Zuko said, hoping he sounded reassuring instead of confused. He had never been good with people.

"Yeah. Aang's a really good guy it just…I don't know! We have all lost friends and family and…he's just being so damn selfish! I mean granted, killing somebody is a big deal and all. Still, how can he be so worried about his stupid airbender monk stuff when people are dying! My sister could die!" Sokka shouted, heaving his sword at the tree again. With a loud crack the oak repulsed the sword once again, chips of wood flying everywhere.

"Aang would not let that happen. He loves Katara. Everyone can tell." Zuko said, trying to be cheerful and failing miserably. Sokka rolled his eyes, gingerly stepping over some of the shattered wood. Zuko sighed. How had he managed to end up in this conversation anyway?

"Maybe. Maybe he loves her, if a thirteen something year old can even know what love is. Still, that doesn't save Suki, now does it?" Sokka said bitterly, sitting down in the only spot free of the wreckage.

"Listen…I am not so great at this stuff, but Uncle always used to say that fights with your Kan Koishii are the worst. I cannot believe that Aang would let you or Suki or anybody die for his sake." Zuko said with what he hoped was a smile. From the look on Sokka's face it was probably more like a wince.

"My…Kan Koishii? What's that?" Sokka said, his glacial eyes blank. Zuko mentally slapped himself.

"Um…He isn't? You two seem so close…" Zuko stuttered, his cheeks burning. So much for a few words of encouragement, the prince thought glumly.

He had been sure that Sokka and Aang were Kan Koishii. Sure, Aang was too young, but they were in the middle of a war! Besides, almost everyone at least knew who their Kan Koishii would be when they got old enough to choose. By the time they were Aang's age, most people had already chosen somebody and were just waiting for their sixteenth birthday to make it official. Some people, like Azula he thought bitterly, didn't even bother to wait. The way that Aang and Sokka laughed together so easily and communicated so well… The firebender had just assumed that they were bonded.

"What is a Kan Koishii?" Sokka asked again, his rage forgotten. Almost any emotion for Sokka was easily squashed by curiosity. Zuko groaned. Damn it!

"Um…It's a…Fire Nation thing. Don't worry about it." Zuko said, feeling his face get even redder.

With a sort of awkward nod, the firebender turned and walked back to the house just a bit too quickly. The younger water tribesman watched the prince leave in confusion. What had started out as an awkward little man to man chat had somehow turned into something scary (or embarrassing) enough to have Zuko practically _running_ away. Sokka sat in the clearing and pondered. Zuko wasn't easily ruffled and the mere mention of Kan Koishii had made him blush. Sokka could not remember ever seeing Zuko blush unless he was mad. That meant that the whole Kan Koishii thing was kind of a secret, probably a dirty secret! Sokka smirked. What kind of dirty secret could old sparky have? The possibilities were endless! Sokka could feel the curiosity practically burning a whole right through his brain

"Aang, what's a Kan Koishii?" Sokka asked. Aang opened his eyes where he was meditating and placed a thoughtful finger against his chin.

"I'm not exactly sure. The air nomads didn't have Kan Koishii, but I'm pretty sure I heard about it one time from monk Giatsu. It's like a Fire Nation ritual or something. It's a really old custom though, a hundred years at least." Aang said thoughtfully. Sokka huffed.

"Well, what does it mean?" Sokka asked impatiently.

"Well, monk Giatsu said it was an adult thing." The Avatar said with a shrug, as if that answered everything.

"Adult thing as in…how?" Sokka pressed.

"I dunno. Like maybe having to do with kissing? I told you, I'm not really sure. Monk Giatsu only said, that because I was the Avatar I couldn't have a Kan Koishii, but that it wasn't a big deal because the air nomads didn't do that sort of thing anyway. I guess Avatar Rohku had a really tough time because he couldn't have a Kan Koishii though. It's probably something important, but only in the Fire Nation." The airbender said, shrugging again.

"Hmmm…"

"Hey Toph, have you ever heard of Kan Koishii." Sokka asked the diminutive girl as she practiced shattering large stones. Toph figured that if she could perfect the technique she could use simple rocks as bombs. From what Sokka could see, it seemed to be working pretty well.

"It's a Fire Nation thing." Toph said, idly causing a nearby boulder to erupt into thousands of needle sharp shards. Sokka winced.

"Yeah, I know, but _what_ does it mean?" Sokka asked.

"Well, I guess it's like boyfriend and girlfriend. Like a crush, you know?" Toph said, shrugging. Sokka felt his jaw drop.

"What?" Sokka gasped.

"What's the matter Snoozles? Your heart rate just went up by like twenty beats!" Toph asked crossing her arms in confusion.

"Zuko…he thought that Aang and I were… Kan Koishii." Sokka said, feeling all the more confused by the second.

"Um…if you haven't noticed…Sparky's a little off. Maybe that scar damaged his brain." Toph said, whirling a finger beside her own head.

"Hey Katara, do you know what a Kan Koishii is?" Sokka asked his sister as she folded some laundry.

"No." Katara replied without looking up.

"Why does no one know?" Sokka said with a huff, crossing his arms petulantly.

"Probably because it's not something you should be poking your nose into." Katara said, looking her brother sternly in the eye.

"Oh, come on! It can't be something that serious!"

"Well," Suki said, "It's actually pretty serious."

"So you know what it means!" Sokka said, hugging her with delight. Suki giggled, only Sokka would get so excited about finding a proper translation for something.

"Yeah, it's a tradition practiced on Kyoshi too. Only, on Kyoshi only the women have a Kan Koishii. We call it, Koishii Ona." Suki said smiling as Sokka directed all of his attention to her. He was so easily entertained.

"Well, tell me how it works!" Sokka practically begged.

"Well, when you get to be old enough to start having…you know…romantic feelings, then you choose a Kan Koishii. The person is usually someone you have been friends with all along. It has to be somebody that you really trust and you stay close to that person for your whole life. A Kan Koishii helps you to understand all the new feelings. They are somebody you can go to for support if you end up being in a bad marriage or if you need help." Suki explained.

"Oh, so like a best friend." Sokka said enthusiastically.

"Um…no. A Kan Koishii is more than a friend…it's a person's best friend and first lover. On Kyoshi its kind of like practice for marriage, only there aren't any rules. A person will have their Kan Koishii after marriage too, the bond is for life." Suki said, looking uncomfortable. Somehow, she was beginning to suspect that the southern water tribe didn't have any customs even remotely similar.

"Oh, so you're supposed to have a lover before you get married? That's weird. Doesn't that make marriage agreements kind of difficult? Wouldn't a future husband feel jealous?" Sokka asked, feeling suddenly jealous himself. He wondered if Suki had a Kan Koishii already waiting for her back on the island. If she did, he would definitely beat him up.

"Um…no…because a Kan Koishii is the same sex you are. Like a woman with a woman. Usually, not always, like I said there aren't any rules." Suki, stuttered, trying to explain. Sokka's jaw dropped.

"So when Zuko thought Aang was my Kan Koishii…he thought we were…like…sleeping together?" Sokka asked, turning green. Suki sighed.

"Probably." She said, cupping her face in her hand and waiting for the explosion. She could not believe he was reacting to the custom so poorly. The water tribe had many customs that were just as strange…and definitely more stupid.

"That….That…That is SOOOOOOOOOO gross! I mean, with Aang? He's like a kid and…it's Aang! Eeeeuuuuuwwww! No wonder everybody's at war with the Fire Nation! They're all completely nuts!" Sokka shrieked.

"Not everyone is as prudish as the Water Tribe, you know." Suki said, somewhat irately. Sokka looked at her suddenly, his blue eyes full of suspicion.

"Oh no! Oh no, Suki tell me that you… No way! You don't have a Kan Koishii do you?" Sokka asked, his voice cracking. Suki began to scowl.

"Sure I did! If you DON'T have a Kan Koishii it means you're either, like, a horrible criminal whose lover can no longer stand you or a total social cripple. Of course I had a Kan Koishii." Suki said, annoyed.

"So, you've been…what…cheating on me this entire time?" Sokka asked, crossing his arms over his chest in a gesture Suki was sure he copied from his father. She took a deep breath.

"No, Sokka. It isn't cheating. Having a Kan Koishii does not have anything to do with the romantic relationships you form with men. Or boys if they still insist on acting like children." Suki said.

"No Suki, _men_ would not let their girlfriends just run around kissing, or worse, with other girls. Maybe on Kyoshi it's okay for girls to make out with other girls, but it is _not_ okay with me! In the water tribe, _we_ actually have men who act like men!" Sokka said through his teeth.

"Oh, so my father wasn't a real man in your opinion?" Suki asked angrily.

"I…I did not mean that. Still, if you really love me you will stop…whatever it is you are doing with this girl!" Sokka shouted.

"Don't worry about that! I don't spend any time with Hana anymore," Her voice cracked, "I had a Kan Koishii and you know what Sokka? I LOVED her. I loved her just as much as I love you and I miss her. She…she is not with me anymore." Suki sighed looking at the ground as she felt her eyes begin to burn.

"Do you kiss her, Suki? Have you…have you slept with her? Did you ever think of even talking to me? Wait, what do you mean not anymore? Did she break up with you?" Sokka asked cruelly, one eye brow raised.

He was not just being dramatic anymore. Suki could see the anger building in his eyes, but it just made her all the more frustrated. Sokka was scratching the scars off healing wound that he did not even know were there. He was insulting something that he did not even understand! Just because the water tribe was too cold hearted to have any kind of love before marriage, it didn't mean that EVERYONE had to be trapped that way!

"No! You don't 'break up' with a Kan Koishii, Sokka! I already told you! A Kan Koishii is a partner for life! I…She…Hana died." Suki said, standing quickly and turning away from him to hide the hot tears coursing down her cheeks.

Sokka was stunned. Nothing in his experience had prepared him for this. Suki stood with her back to him, her shoulders shaking in both sorrow and frustration. Clearly he had messed up somehow, but he still wasn't entirely sure what was going on. Apparently, his girlfriend whom he loved like crazy had already spent time kissing, and Neptune only knew what else, with some other girl who was supposed to be her girlfriend for life. Sokka took a deep breath. The whole thing was so strange and disturbing, but as he watched Suki sob he discovered that he didn't care. The girl he loved had lost someone important, someone whom she had loved deeply. Who was he to say that this Hana girl had been any less important to her than Gran Gran or Katara was to him? Slowly, Sokka came behind Suki and wrapped her in his arms. He could feel her ragged sobs all the way through his body. Suki had never cried this way in all the time that he had known her and suddenly Sokka felt like a super jerk for being so angry.

"Suki, I'm sorry. I'm a total jerk. I just don't understand…please…please help me to understand." Sokka whispered frantically into her hair, squeezing her tightly. Suki shook her head and moaned, tears making her hair cling wetly to her face. She cried for a long time, her body shaking in his arms and Sokka did not know what to do. He held her and apologized and simply let her cry. Finally, her tears finally subsiding into quiet sobs, Suki collapsed back into his arms.

"Oh Sokka! She's dead! I can't believe she's dead! Oh God! I thought I was going to die to and…and I even wanted to die so that I could see her again! I…I…need her! She's dead!" Suki sobbed, her whole body shaking with sorrow. Sokka let her cry, somehow sensing that she had been holding this in for a long time.

"Shhhh. It's okay. I'm here." Sokka crooned to her as he crumpled down around her, resting the grieving girl in his lap.

Suki sobbed into her hands, letting him rock her. She had promised Hana that she wouldn't cry, that she would escape and fight and be happy. She hadn't shed a single tear since the night Hana died. Suki felt the wound in her heart open and gush with even greater force than before. How could she know that Sokka would ask her such a weird question? How was she supposed to know that he would be angry? That he would be so stupid? Suki wailed, her promise to her Kan Koishii broken. Yet, how long could she have sealed off the pain? How long before Hana's death finally reached her? Even though he had been a jerk, Suki was glad Sokka was with her. After a long time the ragged sobs quieted and Sokka pressed a gentle kiss to her neck.

"Tell me about her Suki. Tell me what she was like." Sokka whispered. Suki took a deep breath.

"She was beautiful! So beautiful! I had known her since we were little, but she was always beautiful to me. I think you saw her once. She had long dark hair and really pretty hazel eyes. She was a couple years older than me and she was the one to help me learn Aikido. When I became a Kyoshi warrior, she asked me to be her Kioshii Ona and I thought I was going to die I was so happy…" Suki broke off with a sob. Sokka held her, pressing his cheek to her shoulder. He did vaguely remember a tall, dark haired girl who had always seemed to be just a step behind Suki. That must have been Hana.

"Was she a great warrior?" Sokka asked softly.

"The greatest! I was better, you know… more talented, but Hana just had so much grace in the way she moved. When she fought it was like she wasn't even trying. She was a wonderful singer too! She sang to me before we went to sleep every night, singing about how she loved me and how beautiful I was. I was so shy when I was younger, but Hana taught me to be fierce. She…she said that pride well earned was a treasure to be shared with everyone. It wasn't like she was soft with me either. When I made a mistake, she was the one to tell me that I would get killed that way and force me to repeat the whole set! Once, she made me practice this move like a hundred times until I got it right! I owe everything I am to Hana." Suki said, smiling through her tears.

"How did she die?" Sokka asked gently. Suki sobbed hard before answering.

"At Boiling Rock…some of the guards…well…they really liked me. They always looked at me like a piece of meat they wanted to tear apart. Those men would always watch when I bathed and…sometimes they tried to touch me. Hana was always there to protect me…but…but one day I had gone off by myself to see another Kyoshi warrior who had gotten sick. It was late at night and I left the bed without waking her. I tended to the girl and I was headed back when…when he grabbed me. I fought him Sokka! I fought him so hard, but there were at least six of them and I just couldn't take them all by myself. They ripped my clothes…and…and then Hana was there! She was like some kind of warrior angel! She sprang out of the night just as I was getting too exhausted to fight and she fought them. She destroyed them! Each and every man fell before her, but the one holding me was a fire bender and he said he would burn me if she didn't stop. Hana stopped for just a moment and looked at him and she looked…I don't know…she looked exultant. It was like she knew what would happen and didn't care because she had already figured out how to save me. She leapt and… she was so graceful… she threw herself between me and the guard's body just as his hands ignited. She crouched around me and let the fire burn her. There was so much fire and I was screaming, but she never stopped smiling that…that victorious smile. When I finally came to my senses the guard was dead and Hana was badly injured. She had used her own body to force all of his fire back against him, but her whole back was burned to the bone." Suki said, with a shudder.

Sokka gasped, he couldn't even imagine having the skill to kill a firebender that way. It was the ultimate expression of the Kyoshi martial arts, redirecting something like fire back at a bender. Hana must have been an extremely skilled warrior. Hana had also loved Suki very much…she had sacrificed herself to save his Suki. Sokka felt his own eyes fill with tears at the thought.

"I nursed her for a night and a day, but I knew she wouldn't make it. One of the nicer guards even brought us clean bandages and hot water, but the wound became infected. She was so badly burned that she didn't even feel the pain. Before she died, she…she said that I couldn't cry for her. She said that she was happy to die this way…protecting someone she loved. She said…that she would see me in Valhalla…" Suki gasped as the tears poured forth, "She died in my arms…two days before you came."

"Well, I didn't know Hana, but I wish I had. I know you and I love you Suki. If Hana helped to make you who you are, then I guess I love her too." Sokka said, and kissed her.


End file.
